A Long Overdue Update!

Well, I am finally here with an update! I apologize to those you of who kept checking in, only to find nothing new. As some of you already know, the past few months have been crazy around here. Mid-April, Scott's back "went out" and he became bedridden. Thankfully, he was able to have back surgery a month later, which was followed by another 6 weeks in bed recuperating. Suddenly everything around the house and everything with Ziva fell on me...and so things like blogging took a very back burner (whole other stove!). But now Scott is up and around, supervising his employee at job sites, and should be able to return to work soon. School is out and Ziva and I are enjoying our days together.

We have seen quite a bit of growth in our little girl over the past 5 months! Physically, she has grown a lot. Back in the spring, it seemed that a pair of pants would fit her one week and the next week they'd be too short! She now weighs a whopping 32 pounds and is 92 cm tall. The doctor tells us that she is now "on the chart": at the 10th percentile for weight and 3rd percentile for height. She is such a shorty! (The doctor also said that he predicts she'll grow to be between 5' and 5' 2" tall...hey, 5' 2" is a great height!)

We have seen some good improvment in her speech as well. It is still slow going, but progress is progress! She went to 8 weeks of speech therapy at Erin Oak (funded by the region) late winter/ early spring. Then there was a 10 week "off block" during which we pursued private speech- we just couldn't bear the thought of a 10-week hiatus in therapy when she was finally starting to make some progress! We are now in the middle of our 2nd block of therapy with Erin Oak. We use lots of visuals and have sentence strips for some basic sentences like "I want___", "I need _____", or "I see ____". Following those patterns, Ziva is able to say some 3-4 word sentences. Her vocabulary is still very limited, however, so we hear the same sentences over and over again! The biggest difference has been Ziva's desire to communicate. She now talks quite spontaneously and we do not have to prompt quite as much as before. She is also more willing to try and repeat words. And because she is now able to produce more sounds, when she does repeat a word, it is often quite close. Repitition is the key with Ziva, though. She cannot simply hear a word, repeat it, and get it right...she needs to practice words hundreds of times! So, at the dinner table, in the bath, when she gets dressed, when I play with her, in the pool....you name it...she has to say something before she gets anything! It is quite exhausting to do this all the time, but it is becoming habitual for me. Her two favourite sentences lately have been: "I want fan on." (she loves having the fan blow directly on her when she sleeps) and "I want water on back." (I throw buckets of water on her in the pool). My favourites are when she sings (with good accuracy) and signs "Jesus Loves Me" and when she prays "God is great, God is good."

Ziva's play skills are improving as well. Making choices in play is more difficult for her, but if she is given an activity, she can attend to it quite well. Puzzles have become a big favourite and she is quite good at them. She can even sit and watch a 30 minute video now! (which gives me a break!). Her absolute favourite toy is her baby. Her "new thing" with the baby is to check her diaper. Ziva will undo the sleeper, look at the baby's bum, go to the washroom and get some toilet paper, wipe the baby's bum, look at the toilet paper, wipe the bum again, and then go throw the toilet paper in the garbage. It's really cute. Ziva likes to do this so much that her baby often needs a diaper change every few minutes! Now that summer is here, the pool is all Ziva talks about. She loves the water and has no inhibitions about putting her head under, "diving" in, having water poured over her head...so if I want her to do anything fast (eat, dress, clean up), I just tell her that after she's done, she can go in the pool!

With the growth in speech, more of Ziva's personality is coming through. Before, she seemed rather emotionally "flat" and we didn't get a lot of reactions from her or changes in her emotions. We have discovered that she has a great sense of humour; she knows what is funny and knows how to be funny. Speech is also allowing her to exert more assertiveness; her new "overused" word is NO! When I ask her to do something, she will usually answer with an emphatic "No!"...but then she will proceed to do what I asked anyway!

Ziva has become quite attached to me over the past few months. She always wants to be in the same room as me and will ask, "Mommy, where are you?" if I am not within eyesight. She loves to snuggle with me and often wants to just sit on my lap. If we go out, she may walk ahead of me but she always checks back to see where I am. When she gets hurt, I am her "go to" person. The best is when she gets up in the morning. She will open her bedroom door, peek out, see where I am, smile, and then run to me, yelling, "Mommy! Mommy!", wanting a big hug. If I have been gone, she is ecstatic when I return and will keep telling Scott, "Dada, Mommy home!". So attachment is coming!

I am keeping Ziva busy this summer. We have her in a program called CIP which is for children who have severe speech and communication delays. It's a group of 6 kids and 3 adults which is great. She goes 3 days a week for 2 hours. Between CIP and speech therapy, Ziva is getting lots of "summer school".

I apologize again for the delay...and that this entry got so long! Please continue to keep us in your prayers- our needs are great but God is greater!
Enjoy the photos!

Ziva on Easter morning...some of these cute clothes we got at her shower last year finally fit!

Ziva turned 4 on May 5th. She still needs a bit of help blowing out those candles, but she was able to sing "Happy Birthday" to herself!

It is amazing how well Ziva does with Simon now. She is so gentle with him and loves to pet him, hug him, tell him it's time to eat....and Simon? Well, he tolerates it. They have been known to fight over Mommy's lap!

A visit to Springridge Farm to pick strawberries gave Ziva the opportunity for her first pony ride. She was speechless!

For some reason, Ziva loves riding these old tractors. Maybe she'll get a ride a working
one someday!

Feeding the goats at Bowmanville Zoo...another thing that left her speechless!

You'll often see Ziva stopping to smell the flowers...and then picking a few for Mommy!

A short trip down "memory lane": This was Ziva last July...
...and here she is this July. She's definitely losing that "baby look" and looking more like a little girl.

It may be hard to tell in the photo, but Ziva tans very well. She gets so blond from the sun too.
It was funny, a few months back I went to the Dutch store and a man commented on how Ziva was a such a "little Dutch girl with her blond hair and blue eyes"! I just smiled...

Taking It One Day At a Time

February 25th, 2010

I have realized in the last few months that when it comes to things with Ziva, we just have to take it one day at a time- hence the title. We have so many challenges with Ziva and so many obstacles to overcome, that if I start to think about the future, I get overwhelmed. So we have to just take each day as it comes and try not to worry about what the unknown future holds. A few people have encouraged me to write on the blog about the challenges we are facing so that they will know how to specifically pray for us. So here goes...

Our first and foremost concern is Ziva's speech. She now knows about 10-12 words and is using them without prompting. This is progess and we are grateful for it- but she will be 4 years old in a few months and is still speaking at about a one-year-old's level. The rate of her progress is also very slow; it takes her weeks to learn a new word (and that is after lots and lots and lots of practice!). Her lack of speech negatively affects so many other areas of her life- her relationships with others (us, teachers, classmates), her cognitive progress, her emotional development, etc etc. Her speech problem compounds all the other delays. We don't even want to think about how this will affect her ability to read in a few years.

School is another huge area of concern. We have decided to put Ziva in school 5 days a week next year. We figure the more she is in school, the more she will learn about correct social behaviours. She will be going to nursery school again, not JK; if she went to JK, she wouldn't be able to handle the demands and we would be required to provide a full time EA for her (at our expense!). The main issues at school involve her running all the time, running away from her teachers/the group, and not being able to sit or attend for any length of time. This is in addition to the fact that she is developmentally delayed and cannot speak/interact with her teachers or peers. She does not know how to interact with her peers appropriately and because she doesn't talk, they do not to play with her. It is a catch-22 situation.

The "running away" is a problem whenever we go out. If she is not in cart, you have to have a hand on her at all times. It is hard to describe how emotionally exhausting that actually is. Going to other people's houses is still very overwhelming for Ziva as well. At home, we find that she can be quite calm and she hardly runs. But as soon as we are at someone else's, she is like a wild animal let out of its cage. She gets completely out of control and cannot be calmed down. Needless to say, we don't go out with her very often!

Attachment continues to be an issue. We have seen some great progress over the last few months...but then she'll reach for a complete stranger for a hug and we take a few big steps back.
Instead of being supportive and simply doing what we ask, we find that we have to "convince" people that what we are doing for attachment is the right thing.

That about sums up the "big" issues that we are dealing with and for which we need prayer. As always, pray for patience and more patience...and a miracle!

I thought I'd share with you some of Ziva's favourite things too...

Ziva is becoming very affectionate towards Scott and I and loves to give us hugs and kisses. Sometimes she will just keep hugging and kissing us, over and over again. She also loves to snuggle with me in the morning when she has just gotten up. It's about the only time that she sits still enough to snuggle!

Ziva continues to love food. It still amazes us what this kid will eat and how much of it. She will try anything...grapefruit (which she loves), hot peppers, avacado, hummus...you name it, she'll try it. One of her favourite foods is dill pickles...which she eats like a cob of corn.

Ziva loves her "babies". She almost always has one in her arms! Here, she is putting the baby up against the wall; then she will go around the corner and say, "Baby, where are you?" (She says it well enough for us to understand.). She'll come around the corner and say, "There you are!" (She cannot really say this, but we know that is what she is trying to say.) Ziva absolutely loves music. If we put music on, all she does is sit in front of the stereo, mesmerized. She sings a ton, too.

Pudding is a favourite!

Ziva loves to do the laundry. She wants to get right in the action. When I am sorting laundry, putting clothes into the dryer, or clothes from the dryer into a hamper, she'll say, "Me, me" because she wants to help. She will even carry full laundry hampers around- man, is she a strong little thing!

Her new tent is just the perfect size for the two of us to play in...puzzles, colouring, dolls, blocks, you name it! Being in the tent is great, too, because there are minimal distractions for Ziva (she is very easily distracted.)!

January 28th: One year since Gotcha Day!

Happy New Year...and a belated Merry Christmas!

Well, another month has passed and what a month it has been! December brought about a mix of emotions for Scott and I as we remembered what we were doing (and where we were) just one year ago. We reminisced December 6th of last year, when we left for Ukraine so excited and hopeful. We remembered the heartache of repeated appointments at the SDA with no child available for us and the depression that settled in. And just yesterday marks the one year anniversary of when we first met our precious litte girl. It is sad to say, but as we reflected on our journey last year, it is not with fondness. With the exception of meeting and deciding to adopt Ziva, I cannot think of any other good memory from last December.

Christmas is just one of the things we were especially grateful for this year. Obviously, a big part of the joy is having Ziva as a part of our family and being able to share her excitement and build new family memories and traditions; but another part of the happiness was simply being home, spending time with family and friends, being able to go to church, sing Christmas carols, see Christmas lights, enjoy a turkey dinner...all the things we usually take for granted. Scott and I were so into the Christmas spirit that we watched every Christmas movie we could find on TV. We had never even watched most of them before, but felt so grateful for the opportunity!

Being able to spend the last two weeks at home with Ziva has been so amazing. (How I'd love to be an at-home mom!) I have realized how much I miss her when I am at work all day. She has been surprising us in the last few weeks in some areas and it is so great to be home to witness it. She has become quite the parrot in the last week or so, and although she is still not able to say words correctly, it seems that the desire is coming. She has learned how to intake air and so everything seems a "surprise" to her now. She'll be reading a book, for example, and after she turns every page, she'll intake air. It is really quite funny to watch. Her sense of humour seems to be developing as well; she is beginning to understand when you are teasing her and will tease you back.

We are also delighted to say that Ziva now gets out of bed! Yes, I know that for most parents, this is a dreaded thing, and it can get annoying when your child won't stay in bed. But we are thrilled. For months, we have been trying to teach Ziva that when she wakes up, she can get out of bed and come out of her room. (Even before she knew how to open doors, we encouraged her to at least knock on the door or yell for us.) But old habits die hard...in the orphanage, Ziva had learned not to make noise when she awoke or had learned that even if she did make noise, she would get ignored. And so she did the same thing here at home; when she awoke, she would simply lie in bed and rock. So we were quite surprised when about a week ago, Ziva woke up, got out of her room, ran to our room, around the bed to my side, and yelled, "Mommy!!!" That was the best wake up call! She does get a little nosy at night (especially if company is over) and gets out of bed every so often just to check things out.

She has been making some good progress in her speech as well. She knew how to say some words before (like "up" and "Mommy") but would only say them if we "forced" her to. But now she uses them all the time, perfectly. I do think her new favourite word is "Mommy". She says it all the time. She will sometimes just repeat it over and over, a little differently each time. "Mommy? Mommy!! Mommy. Mommy!?" It is very sweet and melts my heart! (By the way, she has said a close approximation of "Daddy" a few times...hopefully that'll be the next overused word!)

We have seen some improvements in the area of attachment as well. When I get her from school or the sitter's at the end of a work day, it is like Ziva simply can't get enough of me. She wants to be close to me, be picked up, hugged, kissed, and snuggled. I have been seen trying to make dinner at the kitchen counter with a Ziva attached to my leg! She is also is starting to get somewhat concerned if she doesn't know where I am. I went for a run the other day and Scott said that most of the hour, she stood by the door, looking out, and saying, "Mommy?". We went furniture shopping this past week and Scott would hold Ziva's hand and walk with her. If I went a bit ahead of them and I was no longer in her eyesight, she'd start to yell "Mommy!" over and over until she could see me again. We got some wierd looks, but I loved it!

Thanks again for checking in, and enjoy the photos of our beautiful girl!

November 28th: 10 months since Gotcha Day.

All dressed up for Christmas.

First Christmas as a family.

Christmas Day...all ready to open presents!

A few people asked us if Ziva was excited for Christmas...well, this really was her first Christmas and so she had no idea what "Christmas" is. In a lot of ways, she is like a one year old...how much does a one year old understand about Christmas? But one thing was for sure, she understood presents and dove right in!

Ziva and her new bear.

Her first taste of a candy cane.

Enjoying a big Christmas dinner. And when I say "big", I mean big. We are not sure where she puts it, but can she eat!

December 28th: 11 months since Gotcha Day. We also had a doctor appointment on this day and found out that in the last four months, Ziva gained 1 1/2 pounds and grew 4 cm! Now she is a whopping 30 lbs and 89 centimetres (35 inches) tall. (Just a note: when we met her last year on December 30th, she was 23 pounds and 81 cm tall.) But she's still a peanut!

Finally...an update!

Hi, everyone. I know, I know, this is about 2 months overdue. I thank those of you who "nagged" me via email for an update- I do appreciate it because then I know that this blog is still being followed and is worth it! We have been very busy the past few months. In September, we worked very hard to finish our basement (which we are renovating) so we could move all the stuff back downstairs (which had been upstairs for 6 months!) and get our upstairs back in order. Mid-October I went back to work full time and well, I think that explains the delay in this entry!

So I guess I will go back to August...at the end of August, we had an appointment with Ziva's pediatrician, at which time we found out that she had actually grown! Yeah! Since her previous visit, she had gained a pound and grew 2 cm. I know she's growing just because her clothes aren't fitting anymore!

On September 4th we went to Sick Kids for a follow-up appointment regarding Ziva's congenital syphilis. We were very happy to find out that her spinal fluid came back normal and there has been no neurological damage from the syphilis. Praise God!

Ziva started going to nursery school in September. She goes 2 days a week from 8-4. The first few weeks were pretty rough- for both Ziva and her teachers. Ziva was simply overwhelmed by it all and didn't know how to behave properly. We are pleased to hear that she has settled down quite a bit and is learning routines. Once a week, a Resource Consultant comes to the school for an hour and a half to work with Ziva. She has just finished assessing Ziva and soon we will be able to meet with her, learn about Ziva's strengths and challenges, and then set goals for her. The Resource Consultant is an advocate for Ziva and her needs and so she has been very helpful. As some of you may know, the nursery school that Ziva attends is in my school. Now that I am back at work, this is very handy. To help with attachment, I go down to her room once a day and spend a few minutes with her and give her lots of hugs and kisses! When we bring her to school, we always have her stop by "mommy's room", and we think that she is beginning to understand that I am in the same building as her.

About a month ago, Ziva broke her finger at school. She had gotten into this bad habit of hiding behind doors. Well, she hid behind the door, the teacher didn't see her, and she closed the door right on Ziva's pinkie. Thank goodness I was at school (my first week back) and so we quickly took her to emergency. She needed stitches and they tried to make a popsicle splint to hold the finger in place (which Ziva promptly pulled out the next day so I had to back to emerg to get it rebandaged). Her finger is so small, they finally gave up on trying to splint it and just bandaged it so much her finger looked like a club. The stitches were taken out last week and everything looks fine, the doctor says. Now we are just waiting for the finger nail to fall off. Yuck. And let's just say that Ziva doesn't hide behind doors anymore...

In the past few weeks, Ziva has started to do what we call a "happy dance" when we pick her up at the end of the day or when I visit her at school. She puts her arms in the air and does this half jump/half dance thing. And she yells. It is so funny and sweet...and she only does it when she sees US after we have been apart for a while. We think this is a beginning sign of attachment and are very happy about that.

Ziva's speech is slowly improving. She can now say a few words: mommy, apple, baby, bye bye, pee pee, poo poo (yes, those last two are important ones!), and amen. She says a few others that are close. For example, she says milk but it comes out "mih", please is "peez" and I love you is "ah luh ew" (that's the best one!). We had an appointment with Erin Oak (the wait list we had been on since February) which will provide us with free speech therapy. Because they are so bogged down, we will have to wait until February to start therapy sessions, but at least the wait is over!

Ziva loves to pray. Sometimes we ask her if she would like to pray. She will bow her head, babble for about 15 seconds, and then say a loud "amen". It is precious. She continues to love singing and can now "sing" about 5 different songs (she carries a tune but babbles for the words). It shows us she has a good memory. She has also started to count- everything! Her shoes, crayons, books, her fingers, the number of pieces of apple in her bowl, waffle bites on her plate- you name it, she counts it. And although the only number she can say is one, she points to items one at a time and says a word.

Scott and I continue to be "educators" as we encounter people who are ignorant and say awful things- either about adoptive parenting or Ziva's delays. Many people think that because Ziva doesn't talk she is stupid or invisible. We have learned to become thick skinned and, needless to say, we are very defensive when it comes to Ziva. (Momma Bear instinct kicking in!)

Here's Ziva on August 28th (7 months since Gotcha Day).

First day of school.

Our funny girl!

Ziva in her new bed.

September 28th (8 months since Gotcha Day).

Hanging out in her new play area in the basement.

Ziva wasn't quite sure what to make of the pumpkin patch. But hey, if there is mud, she is happy.

Ziva's broken finger....a.ka. "the club"

Halloween: Ziva the cow.

October 28th (9 months since Gotcha Day).

A few hurdles behind us...

Hello, everyone, and thanks for checking in. When I sit down to write these monthly entries, I want to express what has gone on in the month and how we are feeling about things and it seems I always start with the same words...overwhelming, busy, discouraging, stressful, etc. And yes, "overwhelmed" would be the word for the month again. We are glad to see a few things behind us, though.

At the end of July, Ziva went in to Sick Kids to get a lumbar puncture and PICC line. Both occurred without a hitch and Ziva proved to be a real trooper. She was sedated at 3:00 in the afternoon, and by 9:00 that night, she was chowing down on lasagna and bread. We wondered how she could have such a big appetite after being sedated...but Ziva loves her food! The following 14 days were quite intense for all of us. Ziva's pump and bag of penicillin were contained in a small backpack that she wore 24/7. A nurse came daily to change the bag, the dressing, the tubing, etc. For the first 10 days, as soon as the nurse showed up at the door, Ziva would start to scream. She would continue to cry hysterically until the nurse left (usually 30-45 minutes later) and it took two of us to hold her down. Besides the visits with the nurse, Ziva was great with the PICC line. She wanted to be as active as normal so we had to constantly tell her to slow down, stop jumping, etc etc. Ziva had to be monitored 24/7 while she had the PICC line just in case she accidentally caught it on something or pulled it out. Let's just say that we didn't sleep very well those 2 weeks!

As far as the congenital syphilis is concerned, the penicillin has cured her of it. Her bone x-rays came back normal and the ophthomologist's appointment showed no damage to her retina (both are areas where syphilis could cause damage). We are scheduled to go back to Sick Kids on September 4th, at which time we will get the results of the lumbar puncture. The spinal fluid will tell us whether or not neurological damage has occurred. Please pray for good news.

In the last month, Ziva and I have continued to attend a signing class. Ziva has known a number of signs for quite a while but in the past few weeks, it seems that she has figured out that signing can be used as a way to communicate. This is encouraging, especially since we are still trying to get her fully potty trained for school (two weeks away!).

Camping for 4 days was the highlight of the month for Ziva (if she could talk, I think that's what she would say). Because she loves water so much, Ziva was in heaven at the lake. She just couldn't get enough of the water, the waves, the splashing, and the size of the lake. (Her pool at home just doesn't seem to cut it anymore!) Ziva doesn't have any sort of internal safety regulation (coupled with the fact that she doesn't "stick" by us), and so Scott and I had to watch her every moment at camp and the beach. Ziva can't handle no boundaries and no walls; if we didn't watch her constantly, she'd be gone in a matter of minutes. Let's just say that Scott and I relished the 2 hours she napped every day!

Things are coming along with the Occupational Therapist. We continue to meet with her weekly and Ziva is now working on skills that are between 2 years and 2 years 6 months. Considering she started at the level of an 18 month old just 3 months ago, we are quite pleased. We have decided to stop going to speech therapy for the time being; Ziva has not made any progress anyway and we figure that therapy will be most helpful when she actually starts to talk.

We continue to be bothered by her indiscriminate friendliness towards everyone. And as of late, we have started some new attachment strategies. We have also realized that to parent a child like Ziva (from an orphanage), you need to have thick skin. So many times this past month when Ziva was in a tramatic situation, Scott or I would be holding her, consoling her, comforting her, kissing her, hugging her...you name it....and then she'd reach out for the stranger (ie. nurse) for comfort. She will just as readily want comfort or a hug and kiss from a stranger than from us. It is difficult for us to see her having no preference for us. She also has started to wave a lot- at everyone and anybody (even if we are stopped at a red light, she will wave to the person in the car stopped next to us). She waves and smiles as a way to be charming and get attention. She will also fake getting hurt (like she used to do with us back in Kiev) to get comfort from others. We know that she does all of these behaviours because she is not attached to us yet and she is only doing what she learned in the big O (that is what we are "affectionately" calling the orphanage these days). It really saddens us to think about it- that she is still conditioned to being so needy for attention.

I often use the word "overwhelmed" when I decribe how I am feeling or what our life is like. I guess that is mainly due to the fact that everything with Ziva is "work". Some of it is fun "work", but there always seems to be something that we should be working on...whether it be speech, occupational therapy, attachment techniques, etc. And what we are learning is that "traditional" parenting doesn't work for a child like Ziva. And then add in the fact that she isn't talking and it seems the tasks are doubly difficult. I do not say this to complain; I guess I am just saying this because I hear from people all the time, "Oh, my child does the exact same thing" or "My child used to do that too, it's normal" or "I know how you feel, my child does that too". And actually, unless you have adopted a toddler internationally, no, you don't know how it feels. Okay, that's enough of my ranting for today (don't get me started...)

Oh, you might be interested to know that Ziva can actually say "uh-oh" now- not exactly, but very close! Progress!

I'll keep you posted as to September 4th results.

And finally, thanks for continuing to follow this blog. I have said it before, but I will ask again: please continue to keep us in your prayers. We need them. Thanks.

Here's Ziva at 6 months since Gotcha Day (July 27th)....and yes, she is wearing long sleeves. With the PICC line, it was "out of sight, out of mind" and so long sleeves were a must.

Ziva does not care for our monthly "photo sessions". She hates sitting still for more than about 2 seconds (I am NOT kidding) and does not like being told to smile. This is how most of the pictures end up looking...she's got her pout down pat, don't you think? (Notice her backpack; that was what she wore for 14 days while she had her PICC line. It carried a pump and her bag of penicillin.)

The one thing Ziva does have an attention span for is books; often I will find her in her room, sitting on her glider, legs crossed, engrossed in a book. She is her mother's daughter!

This is just to remind you how Ziva looked when we first met her (7 months ago)...

...and how she looks now. Although she hasn't grown in height or weight, her looks have changed quite a bit. Here she is sporting her new earrings. After x-rays, a spinal tap, an IV, a PICC line, dilated eyes, and a number of blood withdrawals all within a matter of a few weeks, ear piercing was a piece of cake!

Playing hide'n'seek with Daddy at camp.

Ziva was the epitome of "not a happy camper". Mosquitos loved her and she had about 15 bites on her face alone. By the second day, one eye was swollen shut because of a bite on her eyelid. We learned that she is a scratcher and a scab-picker. Hmm...she takes after her mother there too!

Ziva was not bothered by her bites at the beach! I have never seen a kid so crazy over water...and no fear! Simply amazing since she had never even seen a bathtub until 6 months go!

Relaxing at camp, reading a few books.

Ziva and Mommy.

More than ready to go home.

A Discouraging Update

I apologize for the delay of this entry...We have had a very busy, overwhelming, and discouraging two months. We have learned many new things about our little Ziva over the past 8 weeks and, sad to say, none of them are encouraging.

In May, we had a screening done at a place called Community Living North Halton. This screening was done to determine if Ziva would be eligible for services provided by the government. Ziva was assessed in 5 areas, and not surprisingly, she qualifies for help in all areas. In order to receive these services, she needs to be enrolled in a day care or nursery school, so we have signed her up for nursery school 2 days a week beginnging in September. (On a side note, she needs to be potty trained by then, so the pressure is on!)

Ziva is now seeing an Occupational Therapist once a week. The OT's assessment put Ziva developmentally at the level of an 18 month old. It seems that Ziva also has sensory processing issues. Because of the lack of stimulation she received in the orphanage, her ability to take in and process what she senses is "messed up", for lack of a better term.

The fact that Ziva was not held, rocked, cuddled, hugged, tickled, etc as a baby has also had a profound affect on her. As a result of not receiving outside stimulus, she has learned to self-stimulate. So we are now "feeding the need" to be stimulated and are providing Ziva with appropriate activities.

Ziva also has a "constant need to move" (OT's polite term)-which for those of you who have met Ziva, is an understatement. Her need to move is "overriding" her other needs right now, which in turn is preventing her from having any sort of attention span, which in turn prevents her from learning new skills. With the OT's help, we have learned techniques to use when we play with Ziva that balance the physical movement she needs with the skills she needs to learn.

Ziva's speech delay continues to be our foremost concern. She has been working with a Speech Therapist once a week for the past 8 weeks as well, and so far, the progress has been very slow and the prognosis not good. Ziva is able to make a few new sounds (b,p,h) and a couple of vowel sounds. But, unless prompted by a toy or a treat, she does not use these sounds; instead she just reverts back to "mu". She is unable to put two sounds together and is not able to mimic any words/sounds. The speech therapist believes she has something called "apraxia of speech". This is a neurologically based motor planning speech disorder. There is a breakdown in the transmission of messages from the brain to the muscles in the mouth that facilitate speech. A "roadblock" is obstructing the signal from the brain to the mouth. What this means, practically speaking, is that Ziva is unable to move her mouth in such a way as to make sounds; she will have to be taught (by physical manipulation) how to move her mouth to form sounds.

The speech therapist has referred us to the Speech Foundation in Toronto where they specialize in speech apraxia. For now, Ziva will continue to work with the speech therapist, but what she really needs is intense therapy with specialists. There is a 12 month waiting list (I am getting so tired of waiting lists!!) for the Speech Foundation. So I guess we are destined to hear "mu" for many more months to come (ugh!!).

As you can imagine, finding out that Ziva has a severe speech delay was difficult and devastating news for us to receive. This is not something that will be easily "fixed" and will require much therapy. In the meantime, I am taking an 8 week signing course which will hopefully foster some communication from Ziva.

The final blow for the month was finding out that Ziva tested positive for the syphilis antibody. This means that she either has or has had congenital syphilis. Syphilis, in fact, is a very treatable disease- it just requires a course of penicillin. However, despite it's relatively easy treatment, syphilis is a terrible disease. One of the affects of congenital syphilis is neurological damage. Now, if you are like us, we are putting 2 and 2 together. Ziva has a severe speech delay that is neurologically based; then we are told that she has/has had syphilis which causes neurological damage and developmental delays. We are very concerned that the syphilis has caused irreversable neurological damage.

Ziva will go to Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto on July 21st. Under sedation, she will first receive a lumbar puncture (aka spinal tap) which will help to determine if there is neurological involvement. She will then get a pickline (IV) in order for her to receive her penicillin treatment. She will be able to come home, but for 14 days she will have the pickline (attached to a pump which she can wear in a backpack). So we will see how that goes!

Last week's paediatrician appointment answered a few more questions for us. In the 6 months that we have known Ziva, she has not grown at all. She eats like a horse and so we have become quite concerned about her not growing. The doctor told us that he thinks that her not growing is a "symptom" of the syphilis; her body is using all its' energy to fight off the syphilis and so it has none "left over" for growing. (And even though he didn't come right out and say it, that comment implies that he thinks she presently has syphilis.) He told us that Ziva is not a healthy child (which we have concluded by now as well) and once she gets healthy, she should start growing.

We covet your prayers as we continue to grapple with the fact that our "healthy child" is not so healthy after all. It has been a very difficult few months, having to learn about, grasp, and accept the fact that we are now parents of a special needs child. As with biological parents, all we wanted was a healthy child; and we are now working through the disappointment and grief of unknowlingly adopting a special needs child. Don't get me wrong, we love Ziva...but these challenges were not what we expected or wanted.

Because of the many challenges and delays that Ziva has, parenting her often feels like a constant "therapy session". Everything we do with her needs to have a "purpose" or some educational objective. We do this for Ziva's sake, of course, but let me tell you, it is exhausting! She is still not able to play by herself at all, and so she needs constant attention and engagement in order to play. If you are a parent, you know that you get much joy and delight when your child learns something new or says a new word for the first time; with very little progress and no speech yet, those moments are few and far between for us and it is discouraging. We continue to lift these concerns to God in prayer and hope for the day when Ziva begins to talk.

We have also had to deal with the fact that the deceit and dishonesty involved in this adoption continues to follow us and haunt us. We were told so many lies throughout the process- from our agency, to the facilitators, to the orphanage workers- and it seems the lies just keep coming. I would advise anyone contemplating adopting from Ukraine to be prepared for the worst.

Well, that just about sums up what we have been up to (and maybe now you see why there was a delay in this entry!). I'll keep you posted re: Ziva's treatment and progress. Thanks again for checking in!

Ziva is so good with our cat, Simon, now. She's come a long way from being scratched the second day home!

Ziva in her trampoline (she loves to jump!).

Ziva loved dandelions in spring.

May 27th: 4 months since Gotcha Day

June 27th: 5 months since Gotcha Day